Complications in Paradise
by Rabid Chimera
Summary: The sun is shining, the birds are singing. Life is good, but things can't be perfect forever. Eventually, everything gets complicated and the one you expect to fix it isn't even sure if they can. A product of boredom. Read at your own risk.


**A/N:** Okay, so, before you read this, I'm just going to give a few warnings ahead of time. First of all, this is _weird_. Or, I think it is, anyway. Honestly, I was seriously considering just keeping this to myself, but I figured, "Hey, somebody might like it." So, please, don't tear me a new one if you don't like it, but I'd appreciate hearing your comments. I think it's very cute, innocent, and funny, so maybe no one will throw bricks at me. This all started after I beat _Dante's Inferno_. After seeing the ending, I started thinking about my favorite banned commercial. It's hilarious. Go to YouTube and search **banned commercial adam and eve** and click the first video. It's great, really. Well, anyway, I started thinking about that and then this little creature popped into my head. lol

Secondly, I'm just writing this for shits and giggles. Please, by all means, don't take it seriously. It's just for fun. Laugh a little–it's good for your heart. The topic may be sensitive to some people, so please don't read on if you don't have a sense of humor. Flaming is immature, stupid, and a waste of time, as it accomplishes nothing. Now, if you plain just don't like it and want to flame because you're one of those people who will say and do anything to crush what they don't like; I just want to let you know that your opinion doesn't matter to me whatsoever and I'm not going to stop writing my "crap" just because you think your word is better than anyone else's.

Thirdly, this is short. I have been working on the lemons I promised, seeing as the poll is closed now, and my other, more important pieces. So, this hasn't distracted me much from my work. If anything, it's helped me get my muse in gear, so don't jump down my throat for this meaningless update.

Well, anyway, enjoy this little... whatever the Hell it is. I promise I will have a better update out soon. I have the first lemon nearly finished and I think you all will like it. Oh, and keep in mind that Nero doesn't have his _Devil Bringer_ in this short. ^^ Happy reading!

**Warnings: **You need a sense of humor to continue reading. Please turn back now if you could possibly be offended by this humorous short, loosely based on a classic part of the Bible. It is rated M only for the topic and some brief language.

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><p><strong>Complications in Paradise<strong>

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><p>It was a beautiful morning, but, then again, they were always beautiful. Everything was beautiful and perfect down to the smallest spec of dirt, each and every plant and beast holding its own place in the balance of life. The birds–colorful, exotic–sat high in the trees, tittering and chirping their symphonic joy. Furry creatures, both big and small, went about their lives, happily prancing through the land. One never killed another, for no one needed food in the paradise they called home. There were desolate deserts and vast savannahs, but everything was lush and green within the heart of the forest. The trees towered high over the ground, pleasantly shading the floor, only allowing little mottles of the golden sun to peek through the canopy. The air was pleasantly scented with the aroma of thousands of blossoming flowers and greenery, the delightful essence spreading through the atmosphere on a warm breeze.<p>

Leaves rustled gently as a stately figure leisurely traipsed through the wilderness. He was tall, lean–a beautifully sculpted powerhouse of muscle. His hair was a pure, silken white, glistening an almost silvery color in the sunlight. Elegant eyebrows arced above glistening pools of deep blue and dark eyelashes, all on a facade that looked as if it had been sculpted from the finest marble. He wore no clothes on his body, completely nude with nothing, but the natural confidence he was born with to cover him. He was both imposing and magnificent to all the other living beings bowing around him. He was _man_. He had the power to think, to reason, to build and destroy. He had the power to kill or rule everything around him and, yet, he was utterly content with the simplicity of life itself. His father, the father of each and every thing, living or dead, around him, had graciously dubbed him "Nero".

As he did everyday that he had been on Earth, Nero was just exploring what he hadn't yet discovered in the vast, tropical paradise he called home, enjoying life and having not a worry about him. He never wanted much. He always had fruit and things around him if he felt like tasting the sweet pleasure of the nature around him, so long as he avoided that one tree that he was forbidden to touch. He always had new places to see and new animals to name. He didn't really need much else. However, it did get a little lonely. He often wondered what his father was doing. He was always very busy and Nero didn't get to see him much. His animal friends were fun and cute and all, but they just weren't like him. He could talk to them, but they wouldn't answer back. Well, except for some of the birds, but they only said the same things right back and made random kissing and whistling noises. Sometimes they even laughed at him for no apparent reason. He kind of wondered why there was nothing else on the planet like himself.

With a sigh, Nero brushed those thoughts away, knowing he could talk to his father again soon and that it would be well worth the wait. He concentrated on his surroundings, stepping over rocks and plants in his way as he traversed an unfamiliar path. He could hear and even smell water nearby. It sounded like a waterfall, one he hadn't seen before. He had seen a few during his days of exploring, but this one sounded big and exciting. Pushing past some trees and other brush in his way, Nero parted the greenery to the wondrous and majestic beauty of the waterfall he had been seeking.

It was big, just as he had guessed. The water glistened different colors in the light as it fell, pooling up below to make a beautiful navy blue. Many vines and mosses garnished the rocks of the cliff face where the water came from, accented by the vibrant colors of fragrant flowers. The large pool opened a space in the forest canopy and the sun beamed beautifully down on the perfect scene. It was so serene and not only filled Nero with happiness, but also relaxed him.

"Wow..." he breathed in amazement. A lot of those talking birds were around, some of them laughing at him, but Nero couldn't care less. He was so amazed by the natural wonder of that waterfall that he couldn't resist sitting on a poolside rock to dip his feet. The water felt a little cool on his toes, but the more he stared at it, the more he wanted to just jump in. He had never really been completely in the water before. He had only ever been knee-deep to bathe, but this pool looked deeper than the ones he had seen before and his curiosity quickly overwhelmed him.

Pushing off the rock, Nero landed in the shallows of the water. He began to carefully step closer to the center, taking time to feel and explore the bottom with his feet. It was gritty and covered by fine sand and smooth rocks. He kept walking, feeling around the bottom that he could only see a little through the dirty water. He kept going farther and farther, feeling how the ground would slope a little then go back up. He was so focused on purely feeling that he failed to notice how deep he was getting before one of his feet reached out to touch nothing. Nero gasped as his body followed the motion, falling over the edge beneath the water and sinking. It wasn't until he was in up to his chin that his body finally reacted. Nero began kicking his arms and legs, bobbing up and down in the water until he discovered the right rhythm and calmed down enough to stay afloat.

After regaining his earlier calm and managing to avoid the danger that he wasn't even fully aware of, Nero began to cautiously navigate through the water. He stretched his arms out in front of him, cupping his palms and pulling his arms back so that he could use the resistance of the water to push himself forward, using his legs for additional force. His movements were a little awkward at first, but Nero quickly got the hang of it and began gracefully gliding through the water. He let out a few, boisterous, triumphant laughs at the new experience. It wasn't until he heard rustling in the dense woods nearby that he stopped to look around, wondering what could be with him. After a few moments filled with nothing, but the familiar ambiance of nature, Nero decided to get out of the water and investigate.

Making his way back into the shallows and out of the water, Nero shivered a little at how cold he felt at first, but sighed when the sun's light began to pleasantly warm his skin again. He made his way over to where he thought he had heard the sound, peeking through a thick cloak of greenery, though he found nothing. He looked in a few more nearby places, only to find nothing hiding within them either. During his search, Nero noticed a bush of berries he had never seen before. Forgetting all about his little quest, Nero stopped to thoroughly study the small fruits before plucking one gently in his hand. He brought it to his lips, licking it tentatively with a pink tongue before placing the tiny morsel in his mouth and biting it so that he could taste its juices. It was sweet and slightly tangy, similar to the other berries he had tasted before, but having a few aspects of its flavor, just like the others, that made it unique.

After he finished the first berry, Nero picked off another and another, hearing the bush rustle as he plucked the fruit from its branches. Eventually, he couldn't see anymore berries on the surface, so he parted the leafy branches with his hands to see if more were concealed within. He jumped a little when he saw something rustling in the bush, realizing that it was a hand. One that looked like his own, not like a paw or a hoof.

_Like mine?_

Nero pulled back and stretched to look over the bush, trying not to alert the other being so that he could just look at them for a brief moment. He could see a white mop of hair, similar to his own, moving around on the other side of the bush. He stood up and loomed further over the bush, watching the bowed head move. After a few more moments, bright, blue eyes glanced up quickly, doing a double-take to the bush and back again to meet Nero's. They just stared blankly at each other for a quiet moment, blinking. Nero looked over his face, noting that it wasn't exactly like the one he always saw reflected back at him in the water's surface. There were some differences, like the scruffy, short little hairs on the other's jaw. Nero tilted his head curiously at the little stumps of hair, feeling his own chin as if he should have the same, but all he felt was smooth skin.

"Who're you?" Nero asked, bewildered.

"Who're you?" the other repeated back at him. Nero's brow furrowed in a mixed expression of a scowl and perplexity, completely unamused

"Why are you copying me?" The other smirked at him.

"Why are _you_ copying _me_?" Nero raised a brow and huffed and annoyed sigh.

"Oh, great. You're just like those birds, aren't you?" Nero muttered, feeling disappointed. He thought that he had finally found someone else like him.

"What birds?" The other shot back at him. Nero snapped out of his brooding and perked up a little at that.

"You can understand me?" he asked, excitement clear in his voice. The other began to straighten up and rise to stand at full height and Nero followed, ceasing his uncomfortable leaning over the bush.

"Why wouldn't I be able to?" the other asked, a hand moving to scratch at a heavily muscled stomach once he was standing. Nero's eyes roamed curiously over the other being's body, noting that the other human was muscular like himself, but actually a little bigger than he was. His eyes trailed lower and lower until they stopped on a part of anatomy that he was familiar with and knew he had himself, hanging between his legs. The only problem with that was that his father had said he was making what he called a "woman", with different parts.

_How the heck am I supposed to 'populate the Earth' with _that_?_

"_Hm_..." Nero's attention shifted back up to the other male's eyes when he heard him give a hum. He noticed that the man seemed to be eying something appreciatively and swore he could feel the other man's eyes roaming over his body. He felt his cheeks heat up all of a sudden, touching his face with a hand.

"Not bad..." the other man seemed to purr, a devious smirk on his features. Nero could see that his eyes were focused on that one, exposed part of him that he had never worried about until now. Suddenly, he was very aware of his nakedness. Then, the other blue-eyed male started walking toward him, smirking deviously and giving him this hungry look. His cheeks got even hotter.

"O-okay, this isn't funny..." Nero said with a nervous chuckle as he looked up at the sky. He saw a hand fly out toward him from the corners of his eyes and jumped back a little, letting out an embarrassing yelp.

"Name's Dante." the man said gruffly with a wink. Nero just looked pitifully and helplessly at him with a deep blush on his features, not moving to take the hand he offered.

"D-dad..." he whined, turning away from Dante and looking up at the sky again. "I get it! You can quit with the jokes now!" He mewled and tried to leap away when he felt large, warm hands touch his waist. Teeth nipped lightly at his hear and he felt a shiver ripple up his spine.

"_Mm_... You're really cute, you know that?" Dante purred huskily, his hot breath wafting over Nero's ear as hands smoothed down from his sides to his hips, making him gasp and arch back into the man behind him. He caught himself after the action. His cheeks were on fire. He slapped the man's hands off of him and moved away a little.

"DAD?"

"I am deeply sorry, my son..." The words flowed elegantly off of the tongue of a smooth, calming voice as a burst of light beamed down on him from the clouds above.

"W-what?" Nero mumbled, utterly confused.

"Um, well, there's been a malfunction..." the voice said awkwardly and it was easy to imagine God scratching very ungracefully at his head in embarrassment.

"A 'mal'-what?" Nero heard his father sigh loudly.

"There's been a... 'mistake'. I believe we've been hacked. I'll get my angels right on that..."

"WHAT?" Nero shrieked, gazing with his brows furrowed, wide, disbelieving eyes, and a gaping mouth into the beam of heavenly light. He had absolutely no clue what his father was talking about.

"Sorry, son. Just do... human things until it's all fixed..."

"DAD!" Nero cried, though his call was unheeded. The beam of light disappeared and, no matter how many times he yelled to his father in the sky, there was no answer. Suddenly, a hand landed firmly on his shoulder. Nero looked over to see Dante, standing beside him, his hand reached out to touch him.

"Well, kid. It looks like we've got _a lot_ o' work to do." The smirk on the man's face said that he was quite satisfied with the situation. Nero looked awkwardly down, only to look slowly back up as soon as he noticed that part of Dante's body was standing to salute him and it wasn't either of his hands. Nero took in a deep breath, turning his head to look straight in front of him as if there was someone else he could express his utter displeasure to.

_Oh, fuck me..._

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><p><strong>AN: **Well, there you go! This is what I call "Paradise gone wrong" or "-falling to pieces"! lol And, apparently, Nero invented cursing and Heaven is run by tech-angels. Oh, dear. xD I hope no one kills me for this. I thought it was funny, but my sense of humor's a little fucked up sometimes. Oh, well. Love it? Hate it? Feel something different? Review, please!

**_On a sidenote_**_, as you all know, Summer Break is approaching very quickly. It gets hectic towards the end, but, once school is out, I will have tons of time for writing. Therefore, I plan to focus this summer around improving my writing skills. If anyone would like to do a collaboration/co-authoring project with me, please send me a PM. I think co-authoring is a great way to experience different styles of writing firsthand and learn new tips and tricks from other authors. It can be a DMC-related collab or something original that we both come up with. I'm not really opposed to writing much. I can write all the violence, blood and guts, scandalous sex, whatever that you want, so don't worry about limitations and I'm very patient. lol I think it would be really fun, so, if anyone's interested, drop me a PM. Thanks. ^^_


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